I always have self-realizations about myself.

But tonight - a few seconds ago, in fact - everything suddenly dawned on me. It’s like all of the things I’ve realized about myself just dropped on me like an atomic bomb. And I’ve realized that I’m the type of person I never wanted to be and I’ll regret being. I’m the person who tries too hard.

I try too hard at fitting in. I try too hard at being accepted. I try too hard at pleasing other. I try too hard at trying to relate to some people when I don’t really relate to them at all. I try too hard at just about everything when I should just let everything run naturally.

So what if I don’t fit in with some of my peers? Why do I hang out with them anyway? I have other friends who love and accept me for who I am. And so what if I disappoint people? It’s bound to happen. I’m not perfect. I’m not always the super nice girl people see me to be. I’m not someone people can push around.

So, now, I’ll try and change that. I’ll just let things run its course and I’ll just skip to my own beat. I won’t let things get in my way and I won’t let them bring me down.

I guess I’ll be more…independent. And gutsy. Yeah. I guess that’s what I’ll call it.